I live in the space between trust and fear

I live in the space between trust and fear

Between leaning in and pulling back
Between the thrill of vulnerability and the terror of exposure

I fear not getting my words honed to perfection
Not getting things just right for an auspicious occasion like this
And I trust that as still myself, and open my senses, and simply remain present,
The words that are needed will find their way from my heart to my mouth

I trust that I’m allowed to be happy
And fear that I won’t let myself become too happy – just in case

I fear that a second child will be moved away from us
A second death without death
And trust that loving that deeply is worth the risk anyway

I trust that I'm doing the best I can
And fear that it won't be enough

I fear I’ve lost too much time trying to get past my wounds
And I trust that everything that pulled me back was part of a slingshot
Designed to propel me further than I otherwise could have gone

I trust that I'm on my path
And fear that I'm not worthy of it

I trust that if I keep listening to my call, the rest will fall into place

Trust and fear keep each other honest
Keep the boundaries permeable
Teach me different things, each in its own language
About how to sit with fear and trust anyway

That space between is my home

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This piece was written for a ritual that took place during Starr King School for the Ministry's Symposium 2012, Living in the Differences.